About five years ago I craved a pair of cordless headphones. Chunky DJ style all encompassing snuggly headphones that shut out everything. I never bought any, but tonight I'm listening to Adele's Hometown Glory through a pair I usually use for Skype chats. Buried in music.
I've been dragging my life back to the track this week. One drunken night and fight too many and I woke up last Sunday bloodying my lip on my chipped tooth worrying about my behaviour. The weather is turning and so am I. The chill in the air makes me miss years I remember as easy.
I tend to whitewash the truth of that time. Five years ago my self harm began, possibly, probably, five years to this month. The scars on my arms are now hidden by further injury; accidental, this time.
The last time I went to the doctor I admitted my mood swings have become worse. This is in part related to my birth control pills, and can be controlled by simply never taking a break from them. It has helped.
And. I am happier than I have been for months.
Despite my nostalgia, I am finding a path away from the debris of the summer's chaos.
It feels good.