pinch

My exams are in less than two weeks. In two and a half, I will be back at work. I can't wait; for the challenge, for the elated exhaustion of doing a job really well.

I also can't wait for the inevitable weight loss. I'm a bit disgusted at myself, which upsets me more than the extra pounds really. I'm by no means huge, I'm just a little heavier than I like to be. I don't like this mindset, where I avoid mirrors and obsess over my waist measurement.

I accepted that I'd always struggle with my weight several years ago, now. I've been 81 kilos; I've been 59. I'm probably about 62 at the moment (I don't want to get on the scale).

At just 5'3", three kilos make a lot of difference. At 59 I am pretty much a size eight (not in jeans), waist measurement of about 27 inches. At 62 I am a solid size ten, waist measurement of about 29 inches. I am quite a muscular girl; I build it quickly, and my legs are as solid as they were a year ago, when I did strength work regularly. My core strength has gone to shit, though; an hour's yoga leaves me shaking where six months ago, even, I'd have done an hour and a half and felt invigorated.

Ugh, even the fat rant makes me feel angry with myself. Why am I whinging about half a stone when I was once twelve and a half? I know how hard it is to lose weight, and to keep it off.

And, it's Easter Sunday. Christos anesti; alithos anesti. I hope you are celebrating with friends, family or chocolate, or in any way that makes you happy.